The Long, Winding, Purple Road
by dobbyfan18
Summary: We all know what happened to Sirius at the Ministry. But what about afterwards? It's decidedly possible that Sirius is thrown in to the Land of the Heroic Dead --- where everything, even the squirrels, is purple....and Ali Conklin is mayor....and THAT'S


Disclaimer: I own nothing. I donÕt own Ali Conklin, as she actually exists, I donÕt own Sirius, I donÕt own purple (although I own some stuff that IS purple) and I --- as much as I regret it --- donÕt own the rabid purple squirrels wearing leather trousers *SOB SOB*. They belong to goldenpheonix17 . The story of the squirrels is on my favorite stories list if anybody wants to read it.  
  
Sirius stumbled through the veil. Bloody Bellatrix, he thought. But he wasnÕt even close to knowing what his cousin had done. Sirius opened his eyes, expecting to emerge on the other side of the arch in the Ministry. He didnÕt.   
  
Instead, he found himself on a purple road. Beside it was one of yellow brick, which dimly rang a bell --- some Muggle book that heÕd had to write a report on back in Sixth Year. But enough about the yellow brick road. Not only was the road purple, nearly everything else was, too, including the squirrels, which also happened to be rabid and wearing leather trousers. Thoroughly confused, Sirius started walking up the purple road to a mass of buildings in the distance.  
  
One of the unusual squirrels stopped him.  
  
ÒID, please.Ó  
  
ÒUm....sorry?Ó  
  
ÒAh, a newbie. So, my speech...Ó the squirrel whipped a piece of parchment out of its leather trousers and addressed Sirius.  
  
ÒAhem! ÔWelcome to the Alternate Land of the Dead.Ó --- the squirrel plowed on through the indignation now piled on top of PadfootÕs bewilderment --- ÒThe Mayor Conklin will see you nowÕ... and thatÕs all she wrote, literally. Anyway, cÕmere and sheÕll greet you personally. Oh, one last thing... You ARE Sirius Black, arenÕt you? THE Sirius Black?Ó  
  
ÒEr...yes, I suppose.Ó  
  
ÒSuperb, just superb,Ó said the squirrel. ÒWell, the Mayor Conklin has been anticipating your arrival. You shall be led to the High Building for the feast.Ó  
  
ÒHang on, howÕd she know I was going to.... die?Ó inquired Sirius tentatively.  
  
ÒOh, yes, I quite forgot to tell you --- the MayorÕs fuzzy pens are all-knowing. Her closest running mates.Ó  
  
On the way up, Sirius passed a group of men in (purple) uniforms with a banner over them that stated, ÒFiddlersÕÓ but the rest was unreadable. It appeared that it had formerly read ÒFiddlersÕ GreenÓ but ÒGreenÓ had been crossed out and ÒPurpleÓ written sloppily in its place, so that the banner now seemed to say, ÒFiddlersÕ GPurplneÓ.  
  
Sirius also passed a huge purple mansion with a sign in front of it, labeling it the New Headquarters of the Order of the Pheonix. Here, Sirius protested rather loudly, causing a woman with shoulder-length red hair to come out and gape at him, but the rabid squirrel led him firmly up to the largest building of all, which was shaped like a turkey --- purple, naturally --- and Sirius didnÕt argue, for fear of being bitten.  
  
***  
  
Three hours later, Padfoot left the turkey-shaped building. He was now wearing a large, laminated nametag that read ÒSirius Black. Died fighting Voldemort.Ó Underneath that and slightly smaller, someone had handwritten, Òa.k.a.: Padfoot, Snuffles, Stubby BoardmanÓ  
  
He ran to the purple mansion he had seen earlier. Though Lily had gone inside, he immediately recognized the Prewett brothers, standing on the immense front porch. They explained how Lily had told them all that she thought sheÕd seen him and sent people out in shifts to watch. James had stood, as a stag, with the first four, but had eventually gone in to eat. Eager to see more friends whom he hadnÕt talked to in fourteen years or more, Sirius rushed inside, where he was immediately jabbed in the stomach by a pair of antlers.  
  
ÒPRONGS!!!Ó  
  
A/N: I know, I know! **Ducks pots, pans, turkeys from Hagrid (long story), and puddings from Dobby** I should be working on my other stories. I really DO want to write about the MaraudersÕ party, but I just had to get this out of my system. I promise I wonÕt continue here until a: IÕm satisfied on how far IÕve gotten on What If, The LionsÕ Cheering Section, and The MaraudersÕ Summer Party (which means I have writers block on all three, lol) or b: I have twice as many reviews here as I do in one of those. And thatÕs not gonna happen anytime soon.  
  
Oh yeah, thanks so so so much to Hannah M. from school for the idea about Ali six months ago, and goldenpheonix17 for the squirrels! I love that story, and donÕt forget, gnomes are made of calico! That is the story of the Taj Mahal. See you on Arbor Day! r&r! 


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